Is the Spare Devil better than the Version?
by Hamiltonlover2002
Summary: When some strangers arrive at Hogwarts, everything changes...
1. 1

AN: Hapy Birsdai Marith u rock!!!

It was a cool winter night in Septembrie when they arrived at Hogwarts.

It was a group of pecooliar people, it was.

For once, it was not the boy who lived, come to die, then lived again, etc, etc, nor any of his friends.

Rather, it was a groupof, dare I say it, Americans.

Dumbledige (who is not dead), when being asked if Americans could join Hogwarts, was questioned exsessiveli by the staff of this was posible. His answer to this was: "Uhm, sorry Minerva, but it's AmeriCAN not AmeriCAN'T."

Anyways, back to them people.

So like, September right? People go to Hogwarts. And like, the Americas. So they're like, transfer students from Wimbly Womly school in Americasm because Trump, right?

So they still have to be like, sorted into a house, and since no one online did this, we have to go through this entire sorting experience.

During this cold winter's night in September it was cold and cool. The first years of Hogwarts Magical School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and some old ass Americans, nervously got ready to be sorted into their Hogwarts House, which would be they're family according to Minerva Mcgoneagal who was gone after that.

The group of varied ages walked into The Room (roll credits) and was dased and amased at the sight before them. Candless were floating around in mid air, dripping hot wax on everything and everyone and the starts were not able to be seen because it is cloudly.

The sorting hat opened it's folds and started singing an all famous song that everyone knows, namely the Room opening credits (https/youtu.be/NZfox7y8VAg)


	2. 2

Mcgonnogal was so Mcgonna-done with this and you could see it. She droned on the names of the first years like it was ingredients on the back of a cereal box. Eventually the American transfer students were up. There were eight of them and they were all very close. Johnny and Lisa were together and Mark was Johnny's best friend and Denny was sort of Johnny's child? I don't know. Also Lisa's mother Claudette was joining and Mike and Michelle who were in a relationship. Peter was also there but he is a metamorphmagus meta-morfmacus because he changes his appearance sometimes. Also Chris-R but he is very angry all the time.

Johnny and Lisa were in Slytherin because Johnny works at a bank and was very ambitious and Lisa was very cunning. Mark, the best friend of Johnny was a Hufflepuff because Johnny is his best friend and also Denny. Claudette Lisa's mum was in Gryffindor together with Chris-R and Mike, Michelle and Peter were in Ravenclaw because Peter was the only one smart enough to leave the movie


	3. 3

Johnny walked into Hogsmeade to the flower shop. He wasn't allowed to leave Hogwarts but he pretended to speak American not English so he could not understand the rules.

"Hi"

"Can I help you? said flower lady

"Can I have a dozen red roses please."

"Oh hi Johnny I didn't know it was you"

For some indescribable reason Johnny, a very describable person, was unable to recognise because sunglasses. This is called Clark Kenting.

She grabbed roses and gave it to him.

"Here you go" "That's me how much is it" "It'll be eighteen dollars" "Here you go keep the change" he petted the dog "hi doggy" and walked out

"You're my favourite customer!" flower lady with doggie said

They said bye


	4. 4

Lisa was walking in the Slytherin common room and was listening to her mother Claudette talking.

"Anyways, I got the results from the test back - I definitely have breast cancer." Claudette said offhandedly. Lisa sat down.

"You're not dying. I don't want to talk about it." Lisa said.

"How's Johnny?" Claudette asked.

"I don't want to marry him mom. I don't like him."

"Why??" Claudette asked.

"I don't love him."

"Well you can't live on love you need financial security."

"But I'm not happy!" Lisa answered, angrily standing up like a frog leaping when being poked. "I don't want to talk about it."

Then Johnny walked in.

"Oh hi, Claudette!" he said, swooshy swooshy with his long hair.

"Oh!" Claudette said. She left.

"Bye!" Johnny said.

Then Mark walked in.

"Oh hi Mark!" Johnny said.

"Oh hi Johnny, you're my best friend" Mark said.

"Hi Mark." Lisa said seductively.

Then Denny walked in.

"Oh hi Denny!" Johnny said.

"Hi Johnny! Denny shouted softly, looking at Lisa with big heart eyes.

"How was class today Johnny?" Mark asked.

"Pretty good." Johnny answered.

"What classes did you have?"

"It's confidential." Johnny said. "Anyways, how's your sex life?"

Denny decided to speak up at that moment, addressing Lisa like a squirrel talking to a human: "You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?"

Denny, also known as Oedipus, looked at her with adoration and a slight tinge of drug induced hallucinations.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Johnny asked.

"Bye Denny. Bye Mark." Lisa said.

They left.

Then Lisa and Mark had sex and the roses were there and the sorting hat was there to play dramatic romantic music. The sex was about as appealing as the looks of cottage cheese and involved a lot of belly buttons.

Then Johnny went away and Lisa had sex with Mark?

Mark tried to argue against it as Johnny is his best friend but Lisa's womenly wills were too strong. Then Mark went away like a man leaving a train: quickly and with a slight nervousness


	5. Chapter 5

Johnny stormed into the Hufflepuff common room.

"I did not hit her, it's not true, it's bullshit, I did not hit her, I did naaaaaaaht."

He looked around, finally spotting Mark.

"Oh hi Mark!"

"Oh hi Johnny." Mark answered. "You're my best friend, you know?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Johnny said. "Anyways, how's your sex life?"

"I've been seeing this girl lately, but it's complicated. I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay. I think Lisa's cheating on me, she's not telling me something. She says that I hit her."

Mark looks into the camera like it's the Office.

~Meanwhile, at the astronomy tower ~

"WHERE IS MY FUCKING MONEY DENNY" Chris-R from Gryffindor shouted gently to Denny.

"I don't have it!" Denny.

This continues for a while until Mark, Johnny, Claudette and Lisa come storming in, the door banging on the wall like a door banging on the wall.

"TAKE HIM DOWN JOHHNY!" Lisa shouts, pointing at Chris-R.

Johhny sprints towards Chris-R, a "Anything for my princess!" trailing behind him (he's too speedy Gonzales for sound to catch up to him o_O)

He talks him to the ground and Mark follows with an amazing rugby takkle. It was very impressive.

Meanwhile, Claudette and Lisa decided to shout at Denny.

"Are you okay?' they shouted.

"What's okay, he's taking drugs." Claudette said.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUUUU?!" Lisa asked him calmly like Dumbledigger.

"What kind of drugs did you buy?" Lisa asked. "How did you get involved with drugs?" Claudette said.

"How much do you owe him?" Claudette said.

"Lisa, you're tearing him apart!" Johny said.

Then everyone hugged and went back inside.

Then Mark and Lisa had sex, again!


	6. 6

Tommy, Mark, Denny and Peter were playing rugby on the astronomy tower. It was not a big space but it was big enough to play rugby most American sport. They were throwing the ball back and forth and back and forth until the ball fell and so did Peter. They helped him up but when they looked up suddenly they were able to see a Hurricane in the distance! Oh no!

Chris-R was cackling maniacally next to it (somehow not getting sucked into the hurricane maybe because he glued his feet to the floor) waving his wand like the wizard he is. Through the sand and mist and hurricane you were able to see a single person with relatively long heair and he was singing and they were able to hear it from the astronomy.

He was standing in the middle of the hurricane and only his hair was waving with the wind because it was the eye of the hurricane. He sang: "In the eye of a hurricane There is quiet For just a moment A yellow sky When I was seventeen a hurricane Destroyed my town I didn't drown I couldn't seem to die"

Anyways, the bigger problem in this situation was that there was A FUCKING HURRICANE COMING TOWARDS THEM AND THEY WERE ON TOP OF A GOD KNOWS HOW HIGH TOWER.

Instead of uhm, maybe running away and hiding the guys decided it would be great to make weird chicken noises at the hurricane and Chris-R (except for Peter, Peter is smart and ran away). Claudette and Lisa also joined and Lisa started flirting with Mark.

Claudette whispered loudly to Lisa: "Lisa, stop, you have to marry Johhny!"

"I don't want to Marry him he doesn't make me happy!

"You expect to be happy! I haven't ben happy since I married my first husband. I didn't even want to marry your father."

"You never told me that!" Lisa said

"Well, it's true. All men are assholes."

Anyways, the hurricane was getting much much closer. The guys were still making chiep chiep chiep noises at it which was very ineffective.

What would happen now? Will they be blown of the astronomy tower, rugby ball and all? Will someone realise they should maybe use their bloody wands? Will Lisa accidentally push Johhny off the tower "by accident?" Find that out, after the commercial break.


	7. 7

The hurricane was ever approaching and was almost upon them. But then, something happened!

Albus Dimmadome, Owner of Dimmsdale Dimmadome and also Hogwarts suddenly flew in on a Hippogriff!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" he screamed gently.

"Oh hi Doombledor" Johhny said.

"There's a hurricane!" Claudette said.

Dimbledigger waved his wand and shouted "Finite!"

The hurricane stopped and the 19th century founding father without a father and the first Secretary of Treasury looked around in confusion. Then he shrugged and went away singing another song.

The Americans looked around as well. It was nice not having a hurricane almost pushing them off the damn astronomy tower but Johnny did miss the wind in his flowing lokcs. They collectively decided to go down from the Astronomy tower and have a party!

They survived! Yay!

They all went down to the Slytherin common room where Lisa and Johnny both lived because it's a better #mood for a party with like disco music and stuff. So they turned on some music. Lisa flirted with Mark!

Lisa said: "Hey everyone let's go outside for some fresh air!" so people left, except her and Mark (because they try to have sex yes). Then Peter interrupted and told them both how such a bad idea it was! They were hurting Johhny so much. Wasn't Mark Johhny's best friend?

Lisa, as she does, said she doesn't want to talk about it and leaves.

Then everyone comes back into the Slytherin common room to eat cake because cake is great.

But then Lisa and Mark decide to dance and kiss and that makes Johhny very angry because his best friend and future wife are kissing.

Mark and Johhny start to shout and scream to each other.

"You son of a bitch dirty scum!" Mark called Johhny.

"I will break every bone in your body, you son of a bitch asshole!" Mark was called by Johhny. "You bastard! You betray me! You are not good, you are just a wimp! I'll get you, you just wait! You chicken! CHIP! CHIP! CHIP! CHIP!"

"Your ass is grass, and I'm the lawnmower! Go pee on an electric fence!" Mark shouted back as a pretty good comeback.

They both ran away, not quite crying. Mark stomped away to go outside but Johnny locked himself in the bathroom like the fuckin drama queen he is.

"Open the door! Come out Johhny!"

"In a few minutes bitch!" Johhny shouted loudly002E

Lisa decides to leave (probably tu fuck Mark again) and Johhny finally comes out.

"Get out! Get out of my life!" he shouts to the leaving people.

He throws and breaks everything until it is completely broken. From mirrors to not mirrors.

"Why? Why? Why? Why is this happening to me! Why? Why is this happening to me! I can't deal with this any more! It's over! It's over!"

He dramatically says with his hair flapping and flopping everywhere.

Slowly he shakes his head dramatically and grabs his wand.

He cries and says "God forgive me" as he points his wand at his face.

And then Aaron Burr comes in and shoots him.

THE END.


	8. Epilogue

The hurricane was ever approaching and was almost upon them. But then, something happened!

Albus Dimmadome, Owner of Dimmsdale Dimmadome and also Hogwarts suddenly flew in on a Hippogriff!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" he screamed gently.

"Oh hi Doombledor" Johhny said.

"There's a hurricane!" Claudette said.

Dimbledigger waved his wand and shouted "Finite!"

The hurricane stopped and the 19th century founding father without a father and the first Secretary of Treasury looked around in confusion. Then he shrugged and went away singing another song.

The Americans looked around as well. It was nice not having a hurricane almost pushing them off the damn astronomy tower but Johnny did miss the wind in his flowing lokcs. They collectively decided to go down from the Astronomy tower and have a party!

They survived! Yay!

They all went down to the Slytherin common room where Lisa and Johnny both lived because it's a better #mood for a party with like disco music and stuff. So they turned on some music. Lisa flirted with Mark!

Lisa said: "Hey everyone let's go outside for some fresh air!" so people left, except her and Mark (because they try to have sex yes). Then Peter interrupted and told them both how such a bad idea it was! They were hurting Johhny so much. Wasn't Mark Johhny's best friend?

Lisa, as she does, said she doesn't want to talk about it and leaves.

Then everyone comes back into the Slytherin common room to eat cake because cake is great.

But then Lisa and Mark decide to dance and kiss and that makes Johhny very angry because his best friend and future wife are kissing.

Mark and Johhny start to shout and scream to each other.

"You son of a bitch dirty scum!" Mark called Johhny.

"I will break every bone in your body, you son of a bitch asshole!" Mark was called by Johhny. "You bastard! You betray me! You are not good, you are just a wimp! I'll get you, you just wait! You chicken! CHIP! CHIP! CHIP! CHIP!"

"Your ass is grass, and I'm the lawnmower! Go pee on an electric fence!" Mark shouted back as a pretty good comeback.

They both ran away, not quite crying. Mark stomped away to go outside but Johnny locked himself in the bathroom like the fuckin drama queen he is.

"Open the door! Come out Johhny!"

"In a few minutes bitch!" Johhny shouted loudly002E

Lisa decides to leave (probably tu fuck Mark again) and Johhny finally comes out.

"Get out! Get out of my life!" he shouts to the leaving people.

He throws and breaks everything until it is completely broken. From mirrors to not mirrors.

"Why? Why? Why? Why is this happening to me! Why? Why is this happening to me! I can't deal with this any more! It's over! It's over!"

He dramatically says with his hair flapping and flopping everywhere.

Slowly he shakes his head dramatically and grabs his wand.

He cries and says "God forgive me" as he points his wand at his face.

And then Aaron Burr comes in and shoots him.

THE END.


End file.
